Why Some People Let Go and Why Some People Can’t
For a lot of people, it’s easy to give something up. When people are scared of failure, their first instinct is to avoid pain by not trying at all. This is especially the case when something is important to them. At first, they get the impulse to pursue it — the promotion, the opportunity, the special someone. Eventually though, they push the impulse down. There’s no worse feeling in the world than giving something everything you’ve got and still falling short. In a way, quitting while they’re ahead is their way of protecting themselves from being hurt or disappointed. While this is problematic for a number of reasons, this kind of behavior is understandable, especially for those who’ve gone through traumatic experiences. It’s not easy to deal with pain, so some people avoid taking the risk altogether.
On the other side of the coin are people who have a hard time letting things go. These are the kind of people who are used to getting what they want. In their minds, nothing is impossible as long as you put in the right kind and the right amount of effort into it. Everyone’s faced disappointment at one point, but during those times they remind themselves that what they want and what’s meant for them will be theirs, eventually. People like this are usually more accustomed to dealing with failure, and have a strong support system around them to reassure and console them when things go sideways.
Taking a step back and looking at the opposite ends of the spectrum, one would think that the latter is obviously the better end. In this case, one would be wrong. People who are used to giving their everything into anything important to them have a hard time giving up, and sometimes that’s not a good thing. As much as the world would be much better if you could get anything as long as you worked for it, that’s just not how it works.
Like a horse with its peripheral vision blocked out, having a one track mind will sometimes make you lose focus from the big picture. While it’s important to move forward, it’s also important to look back at the past and learn from your mistakes. Charging toward the future with no consideration of what you’ve been through will only give you distance from the starting point, not direction. Yes, you’ve come a long way, but is it the right way? Giving all of your attention to this one thing that you really want makes you forget all of the other things in your life that you should pay attention to and be grateful for.
It takes a lot to exhaust people like this, so make no mistake, when they force themselves to let go, it’s one of the hardest things for them to do. The same way that it’s easy for some to walk away, it’s a force of habit for others to stay until they can’t take it anymore. You might have really wanted this job, but no matter how hard you work it never really lives up to your expectations, never really makes you feel fulfilled or valuable. You may have really liked this person, but they never really give you what you want, even if it’s just the bare minimum. You may have really wanted to fix your relationship with an estranged family member, but they just can’t bury the hatchet, nor do they want to.
For both kinds of people I’ve mentioned, and for everyone in general, there will always come a time when you’re at a crossroads and the stakes are high. We can learn from each other, and have the courage to take the road less traveled. There are moments when you have to swallow your fears and take the plunge, hoping for the best while expecting the worst. In the same way, you also have to learn to let things go, and trust that whatever is meant to be will find its way to you. It’s difficult to stray from what we’re used to, but everyone has to confront their fears eventually. In this case, it’s the fear of failure or regret. Sometimes we have to take the risk no matter how terrifying it is, and sometimes, we have to walk away, and trust that all will be alright in time.
