Calling Out the Cold-hearted
Growing up, there was a specific type of female character that I always adored. If you’re familiar with them, think Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl or Donna and Jessica from Suits. There was something different about strong, powerful women who didn’t give a damn about male validation, or validation from others in general, really. This is the kind of person that I aspired to be like — the cold-hearted career woman. If you’ve watched the shows I mentioned, you’d know that they didn’t really stick to this archetype for long, though. Eventually, Blair went through a long and complicated relationship with Chuck. Donna finally admitted her almost decade old feelings for Harvey. Even Jessica Pearson, the woman of power, admitted that seeing her ex-husband happily married affected her.
This shouldn’t be surprising, really. In film and in life, people are rarely as unfeeling as they’d like, or as they project themselves to be. At one point, even the characters I mentioned gave in to emotions and feelings. That’s what it’s like to be human. No matter how driven or ambitious or career-focused you are, eventually you’re going to be affected by other people in one way or another.
It took me a while to realize that’s okay. More than that, it took me three years of both romantic bliss and devastating heartbreak for me to realize that the cold-hearted career woman archetype wasn’t for me. In every relationship you enter, you always come out a little different than you were before. In my case, I learned how to become someone who didn’t just know how to express my feelings, but someone who knew how to listen and to take consideration of others’ feelings as well. I applied what I learned not just in romantic relationships, but also with my friends and family. Being in a serious relationship didn’t just help me get to know my ex, it gave me the chance to really get to know who I was.
It’s nice and all eat, pray, love when I put it like that, but love is never as clear-cut as it sounds. It’s complicated and messy. You go through a period where you can feel like the luckiest person on the planet one day and feel absolutely miserable the next. Not to say that my past relationship was ‘toxic,’ mostly because I feel like people nowadays are so black and white with the term. All relationships, when they last long enough, go through a ‘toxic’ phase that you just have to tough out. If you ask any couple that’s lasted for at least three years, I’m sure they’ll agree with me.
Going back, this relationship was what made me change my outlook entirely. Yes, love can be complicated, and it can cause you as much hurt as it can give you happiness. But when you’ve experienced love after the toxic phase, the kind that’s just waking up on a Saturday morning doing boring things with each other’s company, you begin to wonder what was so great about being an unfeeling career woman in the first place. When you’ve lived the days when waking up in itself truly felt like a blessing, you’ll realize that life is too short to deny yourself those days. Authentic love is something you wouldn’t have experienced if you didn’t take that leap of faith. It’s natural to feel terrified after the first one doesn’t work out. It’s scary to have experienced such bliss and have it taken away from you when you least expected it. Personally, I think it’s much more horrifying to live the rest of your life stuck in the past, afraid to open yourself up to the possibility of being happy again.
I still adore powerful women, although my definition has changed since. I realized that I didn’t think of my idols as weak for caring about other people, I admired them more for it. More than how Blair could care less about other people’s opinions of her, I loved how she stood by Chuck through all of the things he went through, despite his flaws. More than how Donna could virtually read minds with her strong intuition, I loved how she became someone that Harvey could rely on. More than how Jessica became name partner at her law firm, I loved how she helped her ex-husband with his case regardless of her unresolved feelings for him. I don’t think people who close themselves off and build walls around themselves are strong anymore. I have much more respect for those who keep their hearts on their sleeves, self-assured that no matter what hurt comes their way, they’ll be able to pick themselves back up, and risk everything once again.
